un: abnormalitylover, text

[abnormalizes]

How do you tell the difference between romantic love and platonic love?

Everyone I've asked so far has given me a different answer.

Comments

[sangreine]

Sure would. If only.

Have you ever been into someone romantically before, where you're sure that was the case?

[abnormalizes]

Yeah! I had a crush on one of my coworkers at L Corp, Mei. She took me under her wing (metaphorical) and helped me get through the early stuff, and she was so cool and unflappable and I got nervous talking to her because what if I sounded like a big dork.

[sangreine]

That's what you're looking for, then.

The old adage is that if you have to ask about whether you like someone romantically, the answer is probably no. Or at least "not right now".

[abnormalizes]

There's a lot of people I think are super cool, but nobody I get really nervous around... At least not for those reasons.

[She was nervous around Charlie but that was absolutely because she banged her dad.]

So I guess I'm not in romantic love with anyone and I can stop worrying about it?

[sangreine]

If you don't have the same feelings you had for Mei, or something similar, it's probably not something you need to worry about right now...

Why are you worrying about it, though?

[abnormalizes]

Recently someone was like 'hey moron you love your friends' and I was in denial for a while before finally admitting it. But if I romantically love some people, that affects some things? Like, the people who are romantically in love with me would probably like to know about that, and also the people I'm in no-strings-attached friends-with-benefits with?

[sangreine]

I'm sure that the people who are in love with you would rather you think about it than worry about it. Worrying is probably the last thing they want you to do.

If I were you, I'd take the time to be around the people you are wondering if you might love romantically, and really pay attention to how you're feeling. See if it's anything near the same like it was with Mei, or not. Then see if you feel differently than you do around around other people.

[abnormalizes]

There's going to be a little worrying. Romantic attachment is still scary.

That makes sense. Probably more effective than asking a bunch of people on the internet about it.

[sangreine]

Tell me about it. It took me almost two centuries to finally fall out of my denial that I was in love the first time. Chronologically speaking.
It got easier after that, probably because I didn't remember all my baggage, but even then it still took months longer than it should have on one case. Others were easier.
So there's really no hard and fast answer.

But you never know, people on the internet might have good advice.

[abnormalizes]

The good news is that I don't have two centuries of baggage? Theoretically, eventually I should have spent more time in Ellipsa or the world Max set me up with than I spent in the City and all the fucked up stuff will seem more distant. That's the hope anyway.

[sangreine]

Even with my baggage, realizing it was pretty sudden. Like a light turning on. Something happened, and I just knew. It was different just that fast.

I don't really know about the fucked up stuff seeming more distant, that never really has been true for me. Even recently my past bit me in the ass. But I have been more open to loving people in all ways, including romantically. I can't say if that's my fucked up life cycle or what, but it's certainly true.
No centuries of denial is happening now.

[abnormalizes]

Big fan of just knowing and not having to second-guess yourself.

I mean, I don't think the trauma will ever completely go away, or stop influencing who I am as a person. But it might be easier to do the things I struggle with now.

[sangreine]

It's not really a straight line. Trauma will come up and smack you hard when you're not expecting it. But the trend is usually in the direction of easier.

I can't say my experience will be the same as yours because I am what I am and because probably everyone is different, but if I could only tell you one thing it's that at some point things will be clearer to you.

[abnormalizes]

That's at least a little reassuring? Thank you. I know it's not an easy question to answer.

[sangreine]

Sure, anytime. I hope you figure it out, but if you don't, or if it takes a while, just try to remember that's normal.

[abnormalizes]

Hooray, I'm normal about one thing. 🎉

[sangreine]

Take the wins where you can, I guess.

[abnormalizes]

If I couldn’t crack jokes about things, I’d have snapped years ago.