un: abnormalitylover, text

[abnormalizes]

How do you tell the difference between romantic love and platonic love?

Everyone I've asked so far has given me a different answer.

Comments

un: piccione

[bluediligence]

romantic doki doki feelings, for me, felt like
??????????????
¿???? ¿?????? ¿¿¿??
blank confusion
followed by
tripping and falling into a merry-go-round spinning really really fast and also it's on a roller coaster oh god what the fuck is happening
and then panicked flustered confusion and the urge to run away and hide

[abnormalizes]

That makes sense actually? But I don't think I've experienced that.

[bluediligence]

It makes sense?? Yay! Good to know, thank you!

And it makes sense if you haven't, too!
People experience different types of love and attachment in all kinds of different ways
Plus the whole
spectrum thing

[abnormalizes]

There's one person I'm pretty sure I had a romantic crush on, before all the trauma - most of the trauma? Her name was Mei, she was my coworker at L Corp when I first joined. I thought she was so cool and confident and beautiful and I was always nervous about sounding like a dork talking to her.

[bluediligence]

That does sound crush-y!!

So if you're trying to work out if you have romantic feelings for anyone here, you could use that as a kind of baseline 🤔

[abnormalizes]

I don't remember really getting nervous like that around anyone here? Or, I have, but the shape of it's usually been 'I don't want to offend or trigger this person accidentally' and not 'I want this person to think I'm cool'.

[bluediligence]

One thing to maybe think about is
hmmmm just a sec words are hard!

[ THINKING THINKING THINKING THINKING typing typing ]

When attachment is scary, letting feelings take root and/or recognising them for what they are
can take time

So I'd say ...
Let yourself be with the people you care about, examine and explore how you feel when you're with them
Be patient with yourself
Talking it through can really help!
It could be that you don't have romantic feelings for them.
It could be that you don't have romantic feelings for them now but maybe things could grow that way in future.
It could be that you don't know and need more time.

[abnormalizes]

It's definitely scary. Even though I know things are better here.

[Choco would understand those fears being difficult to dismiss, even in a better, gentler world.]

I feel bad for keeping the people who are in love with me waiting, though.

[bluediligence]

MOOD
Not all fences are electric fences but when you spent so much time surrounded by nothing BUT the electric ones, of course you're gonna be wary!
Or:
There's knowing something objectively and then there's actually feeling safe enough to practice lowering your walls

The people who love you, love you for who you are
They accept you
And I'm pretty sure they'd rather meet you where you're at!
Or to hang out on the metaphorical phone with you while you're trying to find yourself

In my experience, back in the Temple, it came down to communication

[abnormalizes]

Right! Exactly! My head knows one thing but my heart hasn't internalized it.

That's another thing, like, my friends are great people and they would be understanding, but what if they get frustrated with me anyway for some vague unexplainable reason???

[bluediligence]

🤝 I am clasping your hand in solidarity, Evangeline-chan.

... Twice, or with both hands, because that the "oh no, WHAT IF" is unfortunately also a mood (⇀‸↼‶) [ The urge to get Evangeline and Donnie in a room INTENSIFIES. ]
Is that a general anxiety or more specific?

[abnormalizes]

Bbbboth? I'm definitely most worried about the two people who have confessed to me getting frustrated with me not figuring out my own feelings, but 'what if I do something dumb and my friends decide not to be my friends anymore' pops up a lot in various shapes and circumstances.