ellipsanet | text; un: raphael

Entry tags:

text; un: raphael

How much of who and what you are is dictated by your own perception of yourself... or how other people see you?

It's something I've been thinking about a lot. I'm still trying to figure out who I am in a lot of ways. A lot of the time I'm not sure if I'm doing it right, and I didn't have any good examples to model from when I started becoming aware of myself as an individual.

But at the same time... I'm not sure how far I can push it before starting to lose something more integral, and that scares me in a way I can't fully explain.

I know this might be a lot to ask. I have just noticed that a lot of people here are very kind.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, isn't that the loaded question? Not to say that it's a bad one, of course, but I must warn you that many, many people will be giving you many, many different answers.
This is a question that no person has a clean, easily-digested answer to, after all. There's a reason personality tests are so popular.

So like... because you think you're something, then you are? Like one of those "say nice things about yourself and it'll actually make you have better self-esteem for real eventually" things?

What even qualifies as "who" and "what" you are?
Is it your personality? Is it stuff like your likes and dislikes? Is it your memories and lived experiences? Is it your actions, your beliefs, your morals? Is it how you live your life or how people remember you?

What if the barista at your favorite cafe thinks you're weird? What about if your friend thinks you're kind but his friend thinks you're selfish? If everyone thinks you're a good person but you think you're a monster, which is more true?
Does any of that change who and what you are? Or are you still you no matter what others think?

I prefer asking myself who I want to be instead. It's less messy and complicated when you're trying to figure something like that out.

There's no real "doing it right" when it comes to this sort of thing, honestly, because everyone is fundamentally different and figuring it out is ultimately something that only you can answer at the end of the day.

Change is terrifying, sure.

But that's just the way of life, I think.

Trusting your instincts might be the best. If you're not sure on 'how far', just start by trying small things versus any significant leap and see how you feel about it.

I'm not sure, honestly? I know I see myself very differently than my friends see me. But my friends also see me very differently than the people at home saw me. So I don't think any one person's perception is the be-all end-all of what you are.

The simple answer to your question is that it depends more on how you see yourself. After all, you are the one who has to live with yourself.

The complicated answer is that you are a mixture of how you see yourself and how others see you. Those two do not always match up, but you have to decide which is more influential.

Edited (oop, sorry, forgot header) 2026-01-08 21:49 (UTC)

Entirely by how other people see me.

[...He wants to elaborate, even if he's pretty sure that his classmates would recognise him immediately, given they knew his talent. Ah, well.]

I'm not someone who really has any sense of self, I never have. But, I can at least present myself in such a way that other people don't see that. Trying to dig past a false presentation and find out who 'you' are beyond that is difficult, and I can't say I'd know where to start. It is an unnerving thought. As if... it's not a thought I should have the right to. But perhaps I'm being presumptuous in thinking our situations might be similar. If so, I apologise.

It is a little complicated. I have been thinking about it for a while, myself. Between the part of myself that is closer to humanity, or the part of me that became a monster at the end of my lifetime, which one is closer to 'me'. But I never thought much of how humans saw me, or my legend.

[For the most part, at least. But there was that conversation she'd had with Athena... about how there were people in modern times who drew strength from her legend.]

i do not know how much choice we really have in the matter at least for heroic spirits like myself our very nature is shaped by our legends so there is only so much that canvas can be washed clean in that way if we are condemned one way or another by the world then it is only natural for us to show them exactly what evil their wishes demand but if you are looking for someone kind to answer your questions perhaps i am not the right person for that task

[Ah what a familiar question.]

I actually think perception has less to do with understanding 'yourself' than most would believe.

While it is true that your experiences play an integral part in shaping the person you have become, and people's perceptions are what ground you, most of it has to do with the present.

Who are you now? Who do you want to be? The you from even a minute ago isn't the same you as this very moment, and in that time, you've learned a little more and experienced something that the prior you hadn't.

That is to say, in simpler terms, don't think so hard about it! You are currently whoever you wish to be and what you are currently trying to grow into. It's much more about your beliefs and goals than it is about anything you had to endure or how people see you.

A friend of mine back home explained it best, I think, "The me from yesterday is not the me today."

Who cares how other people see you?

It's not going to change who you are.

Not unless you do it yourself.

Levi

Who you are is ultimately a sum of your characteristics and lived experiences, many of which do include other people with their perceptions of you. While it may not directly affect your state of being on its own, others might notice something about you which you have overlooked that you might want to better or suppress, and the way you present yourself to the world is often influenced by your wish to meet or change those expectations.

This is how people may become what is needed in certain points in history regardless of their natural disposition.

However I do not think there is a fundamentally right or wrong way to be yourself. When you say that you are pushing it, what exactly do you mean?

I would say it depends a lot on the realms we originate from and what we still believe.

Faith has a lot to do with who we are. Faith in ourselves. Faith in others. Faith in the world around us.

To understand oneself is a learning process. We grow and change as we experience things. Things are not the same for us when we are babes as it is when we have grown some. To say the same of that youthful self is different than an older self.

I have only pieces of who I was before who I am now. But I am not a standard example either.

If you are afraid of losing memories - things you find important - I would suggest writing them down.

Change will always happen and one must accept it to grow.

But I would not be afraid to grow. It is important to do so.

In my case, there is a very real chance that the perceptions of others could change who I am.

I was counting on that. If I got a single answer from everyone, I think I'd be concerned.

Though in hindsight I feel like I should have specified that I'm not human.

Something like that?

I was created to fulfill a specific purpose, which I don't currently have. I'm also separated from the power that created me. I'm not sure what that's going to mean for me in the long term.

Who I want to be is very much tied up in everything else you said, at least when it comes to me.

Having any wants at all is a relatively new experience.

And if that small push takes me somewhere I can't come back from?

I'm not worried about the perception of individuals. The collective thoughts of others turned towards me may have an impact on me due to my nature. Though I'm more concerned with my own self-image. That... is not something I've had much time to consider before.

A concern is that decision may not be mine to make.

But you make a good point.

No, I think they might be.

I should clarify that I'm not human. I wasn't made with a sense of self. It's something that I'm still trying to understand.

Huh... I dunno. But I bet you can have whatever purpose you want.

Does how they see you matter to you?

On the contrary, I think you might be closer to my worries about the problem than most others are.

Unfortunately, my nature and the nature of my creation means I can't be so casual about not giving thought to this.

I'm not supposed to be able to change. The fact that I did and continue to do so is an anomaly. I don't know what it's going to mean for me in the future... and even 'the future' is not a concept I've had for long.

What I mean is

I'm not even supposed to be asking these kinds of questions. I wasn't created for this, or with any self-awareness at all. The fact that I'm even thinking about it at all could be pushing my existence beyond a point of tolerance. Yet at the same time, the power behind that 'tolerance' is not here, so I can't even be certain that I need to be concerned about it.

Hmmmmmm...tied up in everything I said as in, "I know who I want to be and all of that plays a part in it," or as in, "I don't know who I want to be because all of that complicates things"?
It sounds more like the latter to me if having wants is new to you but usually if there's a part of you you don't want to lose that means you at least have an idea of who you want to be.
Just curious as to which this is before I go around giving you useless suggestions or advice~

Are you perhaps a machine? I knew someone like that at home. I can not say when exactly she developped her own sense of self, but I do believe it was the bonds with the family that took her in that ultimately did it. They never pushed or tried to shape her in any way, however; it simply grew naturally as their lives intertwined. Perhaps you needn't overthink it.

And it seems that this place does remove the shackles from some people, so to speak. I do not think you need to worry about this power that kept you prisoner, though I suppose the question is whether you would be able to, or willing, to adapt into your previous life if you decide to leave. Only you know the answer to that.

I think I would say 'no'. I originally became stronger to protect my loved ones, not to build a legacy. But if there are those who draw strength from my legend, I do not dislike the thought of being a symbol to them. For those that just want to 'kill the monster', I will deal with them accordingly. They seem rare here, though. Does it matter to you?

Would you say your delayed awareness was due to poor life circumstance, or something to do with your nature as a creature?

It isn't memories I fear losing. I might part with a few of them willingly if I could.

It's more... the core of what I am that I'm concerned with. I was created by a god to serve Him, and being anything more than that wasn't supposed to happen. Then it did.

Ah, so you mean more on an individual level, rather than memories. I understand.

Are you certain that you were not supposed to? Was that decreed?

Perhaps it was meant to be all along.

Have you always known what yours is?

The latter, I think.

It is very complicated.

I'm not sure. I keep wondering if it should, but if I'm thinking that, does it already matter?

The latter. My 'life circumstances' were not something that could be judged by any mortal standards. My nature, though, is

or was

static and unchanging.

I'm not a machine. I'm an angel. A creation of the Divine made to serve Him.

I'm not sure if that would change anything that you said.

I see. Yes, that is terrifying.

Did it start before, or after you arrived here?

Arriving here does change some fundamentals, especially if some parts of you are tied into a more metaphysical existence.

I experienced that myself.

Nope! So I've always just lived day to day like anyone!

That decision is always yours to make. Even if you can prove it is not, then the decision has still been yours. It can seem like something of a catch-22 once you feel like you've given away that first decision.

Finding yourself and settling on how you see yourself is difficult enough even for humans without your handicap going in.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

text; un: raphael

un: goated;

un: happyaround

Text; un: D6

text; un: Inaban

un: abnormalitylover, text

UN: Prometheus

Anon Text; DR2 Spoilers

Text; un: flyer

Text; un: caster

TEXT | Un; JackOfAllTrades

text; un: Levi

text; un: fruitpunchsamurai

un: godofdeath

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

UN:whitesnow

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject