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How much of who and what you are is dictated by your own perception of yourself... or how other people see you?

It's something I've been thinking about a lot. I'm still trying to figure out who I am in a lot of ways. A lot of the time I'm not sure if I'm doing it right, and I didn't have any good examples to model from when I started becoming aware of myself as an individual.

But at the same time... I'm not sure how far I can push it before starting to lose something more integral, and that scares me in a way I can't fully explain.

I know this might be a lot to ask. I have just noticed that a lot of people here are very kind.

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Well, isn't that the loaded question? Not to say that it's a bad one, of course, but I must warn you that many, many people will be giving you many, many different answers.
This is a question that no person has a clean, easily-digested answer to, after all. There's a reason personality tests are so popular.

So like... because you think you're something, then you are? Like one of those "say nice things about yourself and it'll actually make you have better self-esteem for real eventually" things?

What even qualifies as "who" and "what" you are?
Is it your personality? Is it stuff like your likes and dislikes? Is it your memories and lived experiences? Is it your actions, your beliefs, your morals? Is it how you live your life or how people remember you?

What if the barista at your favorite cafe thinks you're weird? What about if your friend thinks you're kind but his friend thinks you're selfish? If everyone thinks you're a good person but you think you're a monster, which is more true?
Does any of that change who and what you are? Or are you still you no matter what others think?

I prefer asking myself who I want to be instead. It's less messy and complicated when you're trying to figure something like that out.

There's no real "doing it right" when it comes to this sort of thing, honestly, because everyone is fundamentally different and figuring it out is ultimately something that only you can answer at the end of the day.

Change is terrifying, sure.

But that's just the way of life, I think.

Trusting your instincts might be the best. If you're not sure on 'how far', just start by trying small things versus any significant leap and see how you feel about it.

I'm not sure, honestly? I know I see myself very differently than my friends see me. But my friends also see me very differently than the people at home saw me. So I don't think any one person's perception is the be-all end-all of what you are.

The simple answer to your question is that it depends more on how you see yourself. After all, you are the one who has to live with yourself.

The complicated answer is that you are a mixture of how you see yourself and how others see you. Those two do not always match up, but you have to decide which is more influential.

Edited (oop, sorry, forgot header) 2026-01-08 21:49 (UTC)

Entirely by how other people see me.

[...He wants to elaborate, even if he's pretty sure that his classmates would recognise him immediately, given they knew his talent. Ah, well.]

I'm not someone who really has any sense of self, I never have. But, I can at least present myself in such a way that other people don't see that. Trying to dig past a false presentation and find out who 'you' are beyond that is difficult, and I can't say I'd know where to start. It is an unnerving thought. As if... it's not a thought I should have the right to. But perhaps I'm being presumptuous in thinking our situations might be similar. If so, I apologise.

It is a little complicated. I have been thinking about it for a while, myself. Between the part of myself that is closer to humanity, or the part of me that became a monster at the end of my lifetime, which one is closer to 'me'. But I never thought much of how humans saw me, or my legend.

[For the most part, at least. But there was that conversation she'd had with Athena... about how there were people in modern times who drew strength from her legend.]

i do not know how much choice we really have in the matter at least for heroic spirits like myself our very nature is shaped by our legends so there is only so much that canvas can be washed clean in that way if we are condemned one way or another by the world then it is only natural for us to show them exactly what evil their wishes demand but if you are looking for someone kind to answer your questions perhaps i am not the right person for that task

[Ah what a familiar question.]

I actually think perception has less to do with understanding 'yourself' than most would believe.

While it is true that your experiences play an integral part in shaping the person you have become, and people's perceptions are what ground you, most of it has to do with the present.

Who are you now? Who do you want to be? The you from even a minute ago isn't the same you as this very moment, and in that time, you've learned a little more and experienced something that the prior you hadn't.

That is to say, in simpler terms, don't think so hard about it! You are currently whoever you wish to be and what you are currently trying to grow into. It's much more about your beliefs and goals than it is about anything you had to endure or how people see you.

A friend of mine back home explained it best, I think, "The me from yesterday is not the me today."

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