ellipsanet | [Video] un: runyu

[It never occurred to him that a god might be lonely, yet it makes sense. They exist, don't they? Furthermore it can't be easy for them to see their creations suffering either.

This is giving him a lot to think about.]

Being strict with yourself isn't the same as being cruel.

[Xingchen nudges Runyu's chest with his nose.]

If your heart hurts, you are going too far.

[He nods again and closes his eyes, willing himself back into his...mostly...human form. The fuzzy ears remain.]

Then I am honored to be your friend.

[ The Dream Beast settles at Runyu's side, leaning his head on Runyu's knees with a sad sound that tugs at his heart. He allows himself to soften enough to stroke over the sweet creature's head.

His only real companion, whom he could trust completely. No machinations. Nothing but endless loyalty.

Now, maybe he doesn't have to stay alone. Xingchen is wise, mortal or human or not. And Runyu likes his voice, and the quiet warmth of the human's presence. And those ears are so cute and fuzzy! ]

I cannot trust my heart.

[His Master had warned him about depending only on his heart. There needs to be a balance between mind and heart and yet... Xingchen's heart is probably the strongest force in his body.

Ears fluttering nervously, sadly, he watches Runyu and the adorable Dream Beast.]

Our hearts need practice. I think they learn how to crawl, walk and run just like our bodies do. Have you had much chance to give your heart...ah...experience?

[ Xingchen's Master is a kind, good woman with a great deal of wisdom. There's much that Runyu could learn from her, and Xingchen by extension.

A bitter twist curls his lips at the question. ]

When I tried, I would be punished. So I learned to lock my desires away, until I met someone who'd been promised to me a long time ago. I fell in love with her, but she did not feel the same. Instead, she loved my younger brother. I went mad, and craved power just to make her marry me. I got the power I wanted...and she died, trying to stop my brother and I from killing each other.

[ Shame and grief bows his head and shoulders and the Dream Beast presses sadly close. ]

[Baoshan Sanren is a strong woman who has gone through grief of her own. She would understand Runyu far too well - better than Xingchen can, unfortunately, though he will always listen.]

Who punished you? [He moves to Runyu's side and offers his hand. Contact can be comforting.] Ah I'm sorry. Hearts are...stubborn. But, forgive me, I don't think you're mad. Maybe you were just in pain and looking for a solution?

[He closes his eyes sadly at the outcome.]

Poor lady. She must have cared for you too to go that far.

[ He'd like her, he's sure. Just as he likes Xingchen.

Runyu stares at this gentle, kind mortal in amazement as he isn't pulled away from in fear or disgust. No, Xingchen reaches for him instead. He has no defense against such kindness, and slowly takes that offered hand. And it does help ease some of the ache, at least enough to remind him he's not alone. That he has to be careful, mindful of his power. ]

My parents, and my mother though she did so to try to protect me. [ And he'd only caused her pain, hadn't he?

He shakes his head, drawing in a shaky breath. ] I'd have destroyed everything in Heaven and Hell, even the Mortal world, for her. I was on the way to doing just that when she got in the way.

[ He bows his head again, fingers twitching in Xingchen's grasp. ]

I...yes. She has been reborn, and my brother found her. They're married, and have a child. I have not been forbidden from visiting.

[The mountain would be a nice quiet place for Runyu to heal too.

Xingchen smiles gently, pleased when his hand is taken. He holds Runyu's fingers in particular between his palms, keeping them warm. While he isn't an immortal or very powerful at all, he can offer this.]

Your parents? [He is clearly conflicted by what Runyu says and he shakes his head.] Abuse is never acceptable. She might have meant well, but children should be cherished.

[The more he hears about Runyu's love, the more he thinks...] I don't think your love for her was good for you. I think it too became abusive. Love should be...selfless. And kind. I can't say for sure, of course, as I've never...

[He does have feelings for Zichen, but he has never acted on them.]

A child? I encourage you to spend time with that child especially. Let them love you as their precious uncle.

Edited 2023-05-25 07:59 (UTC)

[ Healing he needs, but would never let himself seek.

The warmth is offered so freely that it's almost like Xingchen holds the dragon in thrall. Runyu knows he's colder to the touch for most.

He listens, rather than letting himself leap to defend his mother. And he has to close his eyes at the words Xingchen offers. He hears truth in them, no matter how much it hurts. But he also hears how the sweet man pauses, trailing off to leave something unsaid. ]

It should be.

Yes. I visit as much as I can, and watch over the sweet boy. [ But there's still a wall between him and Jinmi and Xufeng. ]

[Maybe they don't need the mountain?

The chill of Runyu's skin is exactly why Xingchen automatically nestles his hand between his own. He rubs the fingers softly and feels...a little lost...on how to comfort Runyu regarding his mother. The truth is best, but it can be cruel to hear.]

I'm sure she loves you. Sometimes parents can be damaged and they might take that out on their child.

[He smiles and nods, reaching over to rub the Dream Beast's ears.]

He is a very lucky boy. [And that wall might always be there to some extent.]

[ Just the people.

Having his hand cradled between two warm palms has him sigh as Xingchen rubs his fingers. It's not too warm, for someone who craves heat but knows better than to seek it. ]

She did. She was treated horribly by Father. Eventually...she died to save me.

[ The Dream Beast coos at him, then again at Xingchen as it butts up into that affection. ]

He has a good heart.

[Then he will continue to encourage those fingers to warm! Xingchen sighs sadly and brings Runyu's hand to his chest.]

You are hurt, my friend. It will take time for you to mend, but I believe you can do it.

[He smiles at the cute sound and rubs the Dream Beast's cheek.]

As do you. Someone wicked wouldn't regret what was done.

[ A brittle, mocking laugh escapes, directed solely at himself. ]

Maybe here, though I know I do not deserve it. It doesn't change the fact I only have my Dream Beast and one attendant back home. No one else wishes to be near me if they don't have to be.

I isolate myself because it is my punishment.

[Xingchen hates that sound. It pierces his heart like jagged pieces of glass.]

I'm not a Dream beast or an attendant. I'm your friend and I'm choosing to be near you. I think you deserve a second chance.

[His furry ears perk up.]

You won't convince me to stay away completely.

[ How he wishes he could know this man in his world! Or be in Xingchen's world.

Maybe it's the force of his passionate anger at himself, maybe it's the warmth he feels at this man's decision to stay close, but suddenly he finds himself...shift. But not into his normal dragon form. No.

He sprouts fur - silver fur streaked with black and Xingchen will find himself with an armful of cat. Oops? His eyes go wide in obvious shock and unease has him freeze. But no claws dig into Xingchen's soft flesh. ]

[The sudden change is precisely what happened to him! He had been thinking about Zichen and the friends he had made in this world and then he felt the magic beginning to work. All it had required is him giving permission.

Xingchen is quick to act, cradling Runyu and keeping him safe. What a cute cat! He smiles a little and then speaks calmly:]

Don't be frightened. If you want to change back, remember your body. I think about my arms and legs personally. Think about walking and standing.

[ He hadn't even been thinking about it! Maybe the magic had taken the lack of protest as permission? The thought has the long fur floof before he lets himself slowly relax in Xingchen's arms.

For once, he feels safe. So he doesn't immediately think of shifting back, instead curling close as the Dream Beast sniffs at him. ]

It's alright... [ He'd thought those words, and out they come! ]

[Xingchen is delighted to have an armful of cat! He grins at the Dream Beast and gently - very gently - strokes over Runyu's back. The soft fur demands it!]

You're not in any danger. [And he is fond of hugs, so this works out well for him.] Isn't he a handsome cat?

[That question is posed to the Dream Beast.]

[ To not just be allowed to curl in close like this when not in human form, but encouraged and held close, is incredible for him. The stroke over his back startles a rumbling purr and he arches into the hand.

Only to bury his face against Xingchen's chest at the reassurance and the praise!

The Dream Beast coos in a way that sounds far too much like laughter and Runyu doesn't have to look over at the silly, sweet creature to know it's clearly happy. ]

[The purr is sweet and Xingchen gives Runyu exactly what he wants, rubbing over his back and gently itching behind those cute ears. Then he has a face against his chest and he laughs softly.]

I think he likes you as a cat. [He croons at the Dream Beast and coaxes him to snuggle too. There's room!] Don't be shy. I won't bite.

[ Acceptance. That's what he's finding from this sweet man. It makes his heart ache, but not with pain. Runyu lets his instincts guide him, pressing almost hungrily into the petting and his ears and tails twitch and sway this way and that as the rumble continues.

The Dream Beast leaps up and does a silly little dance before wiggling eagerly into Xingchen's arms, butting gently up against Runyu. ]

He's always been affectionate.

[He knows a happy cat when he sees one! Xingchen lets instinct guide him, showing Runyu affection because it feels right. He had thought seriously about gathering the other man into his arms before now, but like this, at least, Runyu has nothing to be ashamed about.

The dance has him laughing and he welcomes the sweet creature with a kiss on his forehead.]

There is nothing wrong with being affectionate.

[ It's somehow easier to accept like this. To not pull away, so as to punish himself by holding back from something he wants. Xingchen is so giving, so warm. He leans into the affection and rubs his face against the Dream Beast's in answer. ]

I need to be kinder to him.

I suggest you be kinder to yourself, too. [Xingchen snuggles both of his new friends, making sure his lap is as comfortable as possible.] Holding yourself accountable is admirable and right, but torturing yourself for the rest of your days is cruel.

Being kinder to others is...easier than to myself. My desires are too selfish, and I have the power to make them come true. Torturing myself for it makes sense if it saves others from me.

My desires are selfish too. That is entirely normal. [He tilts his head and peers into Runyu's cute face.] Instead of torturing yourself, why not pursue them in small amounts?

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]