un: abnormalitylover, video

[abnormalizes]

So, um, hi!

[Evangeline seems more anxious than she normally does, but she's smiling, at least.]

Apparently, when you start dating someone, you're supposed to make some sort of announcement on the internet so all your friends know? At least that's what I hear. And I, definitely didn't do that! Three times over! So, um, oops?

I'm dating three people now! Fajra, Barghest, and Chipp. Um, things are going... well? They're going well.

[Honestly still not sure what she's doing but she's trying her best!!]

So, uh, yeah, that's it. ...Do you, like, open the floor to questions here or what...?

Comments

[abnormalizes]

…So he’s special?

[Gently.]

[sonic_wachowski]

[He nods.]

Though he's always been special. Even when we were trying to kill each other.

He was...

Heh, he was like this burning star I couldn't look away from.

[abnormalizes]

…yeah, that sounds like - something different than friendship.

[Maybe more intense than her feelings, too.]

I wish I had more advice, but I’m still figuring things out myself.

[sonic_wachowski]

It helps to get a second opinion. I....I really don't have a reference for how it feels.

I kind of knew either answer, I wasn't gonna do anything. Not soon anyway. Maybe never? I dunno.

I'd probably get to a point where the idea isn't absolutely petrifying, but it's Shadow. I don't want to do anything to....to threaten what we already have.

I think what we have is special to him too and ruining that for him is even scarier than the rest.

[abnormalizes]

I get it. It's pretty terrifying.

...Fajra asked me to be her girlfriend, like, two years ago at this point? And I had a panic attack. And it took me this long to come to terms with the idea of getting attached to people, but now we're dating and she seems pretty happy.

So... I think, even if it takes you a really long time to figure out what your feelings are and how not to be scared of them, that that's okay? You're from the same world, too, so - he's going to be there. You don't have to rush things.

[sonic_wachowski]

[He looks over and whoop, he is a ball again and moves over to her. He'll stop beside her legs and uncurl to lean against the bottom of the couch and reaches up to squeeze her knee.]

I am proud of you for that. I know it was really scary.

This would probably be easier for me if it was anyone else. Like...almost definitely still scary. I took months before I stopped acting like my parents were roommates and a giant robot almost had to kill us for me to stop dancing around it.

But you only share temporary godhood and make huge, core personality deciding choices with a few people in your life and uh oh, one of them literally grew up under a rock otherwise. And the other half their life under a rock.

There's a lot of rocks.

[abnormalizes]

Thank you.

[It was really scary, and she appreciates everyone who's acknowledged that for her.]

It'd be easier for you if it was anyone else, but you wouldn't feel the exact same way if it was anyone else.

[sonic_wachowski]

[Eva is fighting hard and that deserves praise.]

...yeah, I wouldn't.

I don't think if I did ever get another crush, one that I wasn't afraid to act on and it went well, it wouldn't change how important he is.

[abnormalizes]

That makes sense. Caring about other people doesn’t make you care about them less.

If you ever need someone to listen to you, I’m always willing. Even if I can’t do much besides listen.

[sonic_wachowski]

I mean, I might just have a lot of feelings that will come out as a word vomit.

[A pause.]

Also it can never leave the room because Shadow doesn't like me telling people too much stuff about him, and I try really, really, really hard not to, but also how do you talk about your crush without talking about them?

[abnormalizes]

Swear to god. If I repeat anything without the excuse of like mind control you can zap me.

[sonic_wachowski]

I'm not gonna zap you. If you repeat things, then I'll just let Shadow do whatever he wants to punish me. It is kind of on me and he'd be right to be upset, its why I try not to.

[BUT SOMETIMES. THE THOUGHTS ARE HARD TO KEEP INSIDE.]

[abnormalizes]

Okay well I really really don’t want that to happen so now I extra won’t say anything??

[sonic_wachowski]

....what kind of punishment do you think Shadow would do?

[abnormalizes]

I don’t. Know? But it would be bad, right? Hence the word ‘punish’?

[Given how she immediately offered to let him physically hurt her as her own punishment…]

[sonic_wachowski]

...Eva, he would get mad and yell at me.

Maybe hit me.

Depends on what's said, but like Shadow isn't gonna go off the deep end. And even if he did, we have absolutely come back from worst. I almost killed him and kinda worked for GUN, I would have to work to go worst.

But most likely he'll just yell and shake me a bit. And even the yell is less yell as very, very, very intense eye contact with slightly raised voice.

[abnormalizes]

…Okay, well, maybe that’s less bad than what I was imagining?

But I still don’t feel great about him raising his voice at you because of something I did.

[Realistically, this won’t happen because she would feel too bad about it.]

[sonic_wachowski]

And I trust you to keep confidence and that's why I'm willing to say stuff, because I trust you, and even the stuff I'm saying is more because I know why he's upset at the sharing and I can figure out what is the actually private stuff to keep to myself.

But if something happens, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm the one taking the risk. You're helping me sort out my feelings. I'll pay the price if it comes down to it.

It won't be the end of the world. [He nudges her calf.] I can have the hard conversations.

And I was wanting to befriend him when he was throwing me around like a ragdoll, so like I can deal with a mad Shadow.

[abnormalizes]

…I don’t want you to be the one taking the risk, though. This is hard enough for you already. And - and.

[Words, how does she words.]

I think it would hurt less to be zapped than to be yelled at.

[sonic_wachowski]

...I mean, maybe, but I'm not going to yell at you either?

[He would take getting hit over someone being super mad at him too, tbh.]

[abnormalizes]

I think it would hurt me less to be zapped than for you to be yelled at because of something I did.

[sonic_wachowski]

I don't want you to be zapped for me.

[abnormalizes]

I don't want you to be yelled at for me.

[She can stubborn with the best of them!]

[sonic_wachowski]

[He is going to crawl up on the couch.]

Evangeline.

Eva.

Eva-eva.

Do not get self destructive to protect me from my own choices.

[abnormalizes]

[Oh Eva-Eva is cute- wait.]

I don't think it's self-destructive to think that if I break your trust, I should be the one who gets punished for it? I think that's pretty natural.