( text | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

Do you think you deserve to be loved?

What makes you worthy of it?

Comments

[nomither]

i mean
same here, mate

[nilhilistic]

How so?

[nomither]

one of my mates got in trouble with the wrong sorta people. he owed them a lot of money and i saw them cart him off and i didn't even fucking hesitate.

chased after them and beat the shit outta every single one of them. and the boss tells me that my mate's debt is forgiven if i do work for him. basically the same shit that his people were doing to my mate.

and i didn't even fucking hesitate again.

[nilhilistic]

[ hm. yeah. perpetuating a cycle can be considered terrible. ]

And your mate?

[nomither]

he stayed by my side
one of the few that did though

[ david isn't going to say that most people ditched him before he became a bookie's hired muscle because he was already an asshole ]

[nilhilistic]

Then you must have no regrets.

But I see your point.

[nomither]

oh i've got a lotta regrets
but that ain't one of them

[nilhilistic]

Of course not. That makes sense.

[nomither]

call me curious though, but what made you ask these questions in the first place?

[nilhilistic]

This place is about encouraging feelings.

As for myself, I considered them moot. They are not relevant to my life and to my duty.

[nomither]

ah yeah

did you never have them before? or just never let yourself feel them?

[nilhilistic]

It is more complicated than that, but to put it simply, in order to survive, I had to pretend to be someone else.

Thus, none of my feelings or friendships were my own but a ploy in order to keep living.

Once it ended, so did everything else.

[nomither]

oh that's fucking shit

[ succinct ]

so they all left you when you stopped pretending?

[nilhilistic]

They did not leave me. But I was not the person who was their friend.

Those bonds became meaningless.