( text | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

Do you think you deserve to be loved?

What makes you worthy of it?

Comments

[sangreine]

You know mine. At least some of it. [ She didn't destroy an entire world but she certainly destroyed enough of one to get partial credit. ]

Is it ludicrous in my case?

[nilhilistic]

No. And I would not say so.

[sangreine]

Odd as it might sound, I find that comforting. Usually everyone wants to argue with me.

[nilhilistic]

Not everything needs to be debated.

[sangreine]

And yet they always seem to.

[nilhilistic]

A part of caring, I suppose.

[sangreine]

Then I guess I hope one day you'll argue with me.

[ See, she just implied she'll be awake long enough, she can learn! ]

[nilhilistic]

That seems feasible.

[sangreine]

[ since this isn't in person she lets herself laugh ]

I'll try to sharpen my wit for whenever you're ready to argue. Surely there's a book of some kind I can use to prepare.

[nilhilistic]

I doubt a book would help much.

[sangreine]

That was a joke. I never expect to win that particular argument. But I suspect no one expects to win it against me either, if you're right about why they have it.

[nilhilistic]

It is the only reason I can think of.

[sangreine]

I think you're probably right about it.

So I'll give them other ways to show they care about me, I guess. I don't think anyone will see eye to eye on what I deserve.

[ One might notice that she never tried to talk Rafal into believing he deserves love or is worthy of it. She knows the futility of that. By the same token, his feelings about himself hold no sway over what she or anyone else might feel. ]

[nilhilistic]

Perhaps that is where it should begin.

[sangreine]

Perhaps. It's something I discuss with them as it comes up. It probably helps that I understand what it's like to feel protective towards people I care about, so I see where they're coming from.

[nilhilistic]

I suppose I feel similarly.

[sangreine]

Protective towards your sister, I guess you mean? She's lucky to have you watching out for her.

[nilhilistic]

She wasn't always so.

But hopefully I am making up for that.

private

[sangreine]

[ Switching the feed to private just in case ]

What do you mean?

[nilhilistic]

I hurt her.

Hence why I said she was not lucky to have me.

[sangreine]

Hurting each other happens to the best of us. And you said you're trying to make up for it.

Whatever you did, I'm sure she'll forgive you long before you'd forgive yourself.

[nilhilistic]

She has long forgiven me.

That does not make her lucky. I am still required to improve.

[sangreine]

Do you know how many out there want nothing more than someone who loves them enough to work to be worthy of them?

That makes her lucky. That can still be true while you strive to improve yourself.

[nilhilistic]

Perhaps

But I cannot speak for Nel.

[sangreine]

Of course not. It's just something to think about.

You are I are probably more alike than different when it comes to thinking we're not good enough for the people we care for. I don't expect my words to comfort you, but I wouldn't be able to rest well if I didn't say them.