( text | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

Do you think you deserve to be loved?

What makes you worthy of it?

Comments

[sangreine]

That was a joke. I never expect to win that particular argument. But I suspect no one expects to win it against me either, if you're right about why they have it.

[nilhilistic]

It is the only reason I can think of.

[sangreine]

I think you're probably right about it.

So I'll give them other ways to show they care about me, I guess. I don't think anyone will see eye to eye on what I deserve.

[ One might notice that she never tried to talk Rafal into believing he deserves love or is worthy of it. She knows the futility of that. By the same token, his feelings about himself hold no sway over what she or anyone else might feel. ]

[nilhilistic]

Perhaps that is where it should begin.

[sangreine]

Perhaps. It's something I discuss with them as it comes up. It probably helps that I understand what it's like to feel protective towards people I care about, so I see where they're coming from.

[nilhilistic]

I suppose I feel similarly.

[sangreine]

Protective towards your sister, I guess you mean? She's lucky to have you watching out for her.

[nilhilistic]

She wasn't always so.

But hopefully I am making up for that.

private

[sangreine]

[ Switching the feed to private just in case ]

What do you mean?

[nilhilistic]

I hurt her.

Hence why I said she was not lucky to have me.

[sangreine]

Hurting each other happens to the best of us. And you said you're trying to make up for it.

Whatever you did, I'm sure she'll forgive you long before you'd forgive yourself.

[nilhilistic]

She has long forgiven me.

That does not make her lucky. I am still required to improve.

[sangreine]

Do you know how many out there want nothing more than someone who loves them enough to work to be worthy of them?

That makes her lucky. That can still be true while you strive to improve yourself.

[nilhilistic]

Perhaps

But I cannot speak for Nel.

[sangreine]

Of course not. It's just something to think about.

You are I are probably more alike than different when it comes to thinking we're not good enough for the people we care for. I don't expect my words to comfort you, but I wouldn't be able to rest well if I didn't say them.

[nilhilistic]

But you overcame it.

You . . . let people in.

[sangreine]

"Overcame" is a big word when it comes to this. I haven't overcome that, not really. I was told that I have no right to push people away for their own good, since that doesn't respect their choices. And I agree with that. If I have to let people choose to be close, I might as well treat them in a manner they're worthy of.

Nothing will stop me from believing they deserve better than me. I don't decide that for them, that's all.

[nilhilistic]

[ perhaps that is the happy middle. all anyone can ask for. ]

I see.

[sangreine]

Believe me, I wish I could say I overcame it. But I'm all too aware of how cruel it is to allow myself to be close to anyone.

If I had a better answer for you, I'd certainly offer it. Despite what you've done, in my eyes you're worthy of at least a chance.

[nilhilistic]

And I should make use of it?

[sangreine]

That's your call. But I hope you do.

[nilhilistic]

Thank you.

[sangreine]

Of course. And if you should want any help or support, as consider me a volunteer for as long as I'm awake.

[nilhilistic]

I will remember that.

[sangreine]

You offered to stick around and wait for me to wake up.
Nothing I'd hold you to, by the way, especially when I'll have to way to know it.

If there was something you wanted that was equivalent, I'd offer it to you. But I'm stuck piecemealing my thanks out of much smaller things, so. [ Her potential assistance in this matter is what she's got for now. ]