( text | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

Do you think you deserve to be loved?

What makes you worthy of it?

Comments

[vivens]

Unique circumstance in what way, if may ask?

[nilhilistic]

As children, our father encouraged us to fight and war with each other. When her twin died, he asked me to take his place so his sister would not be alone.

Love came, in time. But I wasn't a good brother to her.

[vivens]

[ oh. hmm.... it's a good thing that the two of them aren't talking face to face because the expression on sabo's face would be all too telling about how much he did not like what he just learned. ]

It sounds like you have been hurt plenty despite saying otherwise.

I can see why you think that there must be a reason for love or a way to decide on worthiness. Good brother or not, not every child is able to stand up and defy parents or see what is wrong.

[nilhilistic]

[ hm. he's never thought of it that way. ]

Nel was stronger for doing so then. But you are not wrong.

[vivens]

Don't sell yourself short either.

You were able to love them despite all of what you went through, and you're able to reflect on your previous actions. That speaks a lot to your own strength.

[nilhilistic]

. . . Perhaps.

[vivens]

Perhaps? Just perhaps?

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal huffs. ]

Isn't that enough?

[vivens]

[ because he must. ]

Perhaps.

[nilhilistic]

You are teasing me.

[vivens]

What gave you that idea?

More seriously, do you have a better idea of where you stand on whether you can judge whether someone is deserving or worthy of love?

[nilhilistic]

Judging other people is not my concern.

But I am realizing that it is out of my hands. Judged or not, people will decide for themselves.

[vivens]

They sure will. People naturally will do what they think is best. It's why I stand by my belief that everyone is worthy and deserving of love.

[nilhilistic]

Which is annoying.

But cannot be helped, I suppose. I will reframe my thinking.

[vivens]

Or, at the very least, keep a more open mind.

Maybe you'll even experience the kind of love that others here could speak about.

[nilhilistic]

I doubt that.

[vivens]

Oh? Why would you doubt that?

[nilhilistic]

I have done terrible things. I am unsuitable.

[vivens]

I don't see why that matters. I doubt that you're the only one here who has done terrible things.

[nilhilistic]

The scope matters. I destroyed an entire world. No matter how much pain or hurt I may feel, it will never compare to what I have taken.

I am grateful I am not punished and I will do everything in my power to ensure no other world suffers, but I am not redeemed. No one deserves to put up with me.

[vivens]

[ wow. that's sure a lot but at the same time— ]

Isn't that up to the person whoever falls in love with you to decide?

While I can't grasp that scope of destruction and maybe neither will that person, but there are many different ways someone can repent for what they've done.

[nilhilistic]

[ tip of the iceberg, buddy. ]

I have repented. I have to work at redemption.

[vivens]

[ and he dared to say that he wasn't hurt. okay. ]

I know that it's up to those who have survived the wrong doings that you've committed, but just how are you going about it?

[nilhilistic]

By saving other worlds. As many as I can.

[vivens]

As many as you can...

Do you think that would make them happy?