( text | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

Do you think you deserve to be loved?

What makes you worthy of it?

Comments

[nilhilistic]

[ hm. he's never thought of it that way. ]

Nel was stronger for doing so then. But you are not wrong.

[vivens]

Don't sell yourself short either.

You were able to love them despite all of what you went through, and you're able to reflect on your previous actions. That speaks a lot to your own strength.

[nilhilistic]

. . . Perhaps.

[vivens]

Perhaps? Just perhaps?

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal huffs. ]

Isn't that enough?

[vivens]

[ because he must. ]

Perhaps.

[nilhilistic]

You are teasing me.

[vivens]

What gave you that idea?

More seriously, do you have a better idea of where you stand on whether you can judge whether someone is deserving or worthy of love?

[nilhilistic]

Judging other people is not my concern.

But I am realizing that it is out of my hands. Judged or not, people will decide for themselves.

[vivens]

They sure will. People naturally will do what they think is best. It's why I stand by my belief that everyone is worthy and deserving of love.

[nilhilistic]

Which is annoying.

But cannot be helped, I suppose. I will reframe my thinking.

[vivens]

Or, at the very least, keep a more open mind.

Maybe you'll even experience the kind of love that others here could speak about.

[nilhilistic]

I doubt that.

[vivens]

Oh? Why would you doubt that?

[nilhilistic]

I have done terrible things. I am unsuitable.

[vivens]

I don't see why that matters. I doubt that you're the only one here who has done terrible things.

[nilhilistic]

The scope matters. I destroyed an entire world. No matter how much pain or hurt I may feel, it will never compare to what I have taken.

I am grateful I am not punished and I will do everything in my power to ensure no other world suffers, but I am not redeemed. No one deserves to put up with me.

[vivens]

[ wow. that's sure a lot but at the same time— ]

Isn't that up to the person whoever falls in love with you to decide?

While I can't grasp that scope of destruction and maybe neither will that person, but there are many different ways someone can repent for what they've done.

[nilhilistic]

[ tip of the iceberg, buddy. ]

I have repented. I have to work at redemption.

[vivens]

[ and he dared to say that he wasn't hurt. okay. ]

I know that it's up to those who have survived the wrong doings that you've committed, but just how are you going about it?

[nilhilistic]

By saving other worlds. As many as I can.

[vivens]

As many as you can...

Do you think that would make them happy?

[nilhilistic]

Why does that matter?

What I do would be important work. Happiness is not considered.

[vivens]

I'm not one of those survivors and I don't know what they'd think but...

You're doing it for them, right?

[nilhilistic]

[ bold to think there were survivors. other than nel and the four winds, no one was left.

doing it for them . . . is that why? nel is a large part of it, certainly. he never wants his sister to suffer at his own hands again. and yet, rafal finds this reason lacking.

what drives him so hard? ]

I don't know. I think I am doing it because . . . I want to believe I can. That I can do things that are meaningful and kind and right.