( text | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

Do you think you deserve to be loved?

What makes you worthy of it?

Comments

[nilhilistic]

Which is annoying.

But cannot be helped, I suppose. I will reframe my thinking.

[vivens]

Or, at the very least, keep a more open mind.

Maybe you'll even experience the kind of love that others here could speak about.

[nilhilistic]

I doubt that.

[vivens]

Oh? Why would you doubt that?

[nilhilistic]

I have done terrible things. I am unsuitable.

[vivens]

I don't see why that matters. I doubt that you're the only one here who has done terrible things.

[nilhilistic]

The scope matters. I destroyed an entire world. No matter how much pain or hurt I may feel, it will never compare to what I have taken.

I am grateful I am not punished and I will do everything in my power to ensure no other world suffers, but I am not redeemed. No one deserves to put up with me.

[vivens]

[ wow. that's sure a lot but at the same time— ]

Isn't that up to the person whoever falls in love with you to decide?

While I can't grasp that scope of destruction and maybe neither will that person, but there are many different ways someone can repent for what they've done.

[nilhilistic]

[ tip of the iceberg, buddy. ]

I have repented. I have to work at redemption.

[vivens]

[ and he dared to say that he wasn't hurt. okay. ]

I know that it's up to those who have survived the wrong doings that you've committed, but just how are you going about it?

[nilhilistic]

By saving other worlds. As many as I can.

[vivens]

As many as you can...

Do you think that would make them happy?

[nilhilistic]

Why does that matter?

What I do would be important work. Happiness is not considered.

[vivens]

I'm not one of those survivors and I don't know what they'd think but...

You're doing it for them, right?

[nilhilistic]

[ bold to think there were survivors. other than nel and the four winds, no one was left.

doing it for them . . . is that why? nel is a large part of it, certainly. he never wants his sister to suffer at his own hands again. and yet, rafal finds this reason lacking.

what drives him so hard? ]

I don't know. I think I am doing it because . . . I want to believe I can. That I can do things that are meaningful and kind and right.

[vivens]

[ look. it's the point of the matter here!! sabo don't want to assume anything and sometimes people survive the craziest things. ]

And would you say that you're able to judge your actions so far as being what you want them to be?

[nilhilistic]

I do not know if that is for me to judge or for others to judge me.

[vivens]

Based on what you've been telling me so far, it seems like it might be a combination of both. What you feel and what others might think.

[nilhilistic]

My feelings do not matter.

[vivens]

[ sir..... ]

On the contrary, I think your feelings matter a whole lot.

[nilhilistic]

How so?

[vivens]

If I was deciding whether to forgive someone for something terrible that they've done, I'd be interested in seeing how they felt about what they were doing.

If they cared about my feelings at all or if they were only doing it to save face—or worse yet, to only make themselves feel better.

[nilhilistic]

Surely my actions have more weight than how I feel about it.