ellipsanet | text ❥ un: anonymous

I'd perish on the spot at it all...

And honestly, I have a bit of a vague idea, but it's not 100% set in stone, since I've... never had any female partners before. So I wouldn't know for certain. I think the most important part for me, though, is that we have to have some sort of chemistry, which is pretty hard when I'm a difficult person to get along with in general.

Chemistry is just as important as trust. It's no good building trust if the chemistry just isn't there. It means it'll be harder to build and then later KEEP momentum in the relationship. So that's a good start.

If you're having trouble figuring out what you might like, it might be easier to start with things you know you can't compromise on or tolerate. It makes trying things out easier if you have a good idea of where your boundaries are. It's also fine if you have to form them as you go! It all just depends on how much trial and error you're willing to go through.

For example: Would you be able to handle someone with the same energy level of your current partner, who might push your boundaries a bit? Or do you think you would need someone calmer to counter balance so you have some breathing room?

[ There's a lot of things she could say here. But given that she's anonymous, she can open up a little more and be just a smidge more honest. ]

They go hand in hand for me. I can't have chemistry with someone I don't trust. And trust... isn't exactly easy, for me.

Well, it isn't as if I don't know where to draw the line. That sort of thing comes easily for me. There are things that I know that I just simply can't compromise on, even if I'll bend over a little bit for things that I don't like as long as the other party understands that I have issues in that department.

Most of my partners have had pretty varying energy levels, actually. The partner that I have in this world is probably the one with the highest energy levels - probably even higher than my own. So that doesn't really matter to me as much as like... the kind of person they are, in terms of personality.

It's the same for me. I know some of my personal shortcomings and not being able to trust someone would just make them and any sort of relationship ten times worse.

Oh yeah, of course! But those are what I consider the big, obvious flags. I think a lot of people tend to overlook the little things and sometimes it can lead to little annoyances or even resentment building up over time, if you aren't careful. That's why I suggest considering the little stuff as well.

Well, that and it isn't easy for everyone to dive right into the heavier topics like values and morality straight away.

But if you have those for starting points, do you think that can help you figure things out a little better?

I'm pretty attentive to people, both the little and big things alike, I'd like to think. There's a lot to pay attention to when it comes to people in general.

But you're right that the heavier topics aren't exactly ones that are easy to just jump into. Even more so if you barely know someone.

Well, it's not that I can't figure things out... but more like the difficulty level of actually meeting girls is hard? I don't usually get to talk to a lot of girls in general while I've been here.

Tell me about it. I'm the same way, though I can't claim to know exactly how you feel or what your reasons are.

I don't usually run into people who have the same habits, so I'm sorry if that advice was a little redundant.

Hm, so you mean in a literal sense, right? Like you're having trouble actually encountering them? I can see how that would be the biggest obstacle, if so.

This might seem a little wild to jump into but, have you already considered or tried speed dating? In a city as big as Nightwake I'm sure there've got to be some venues. And if there aren't, maybe we can set one up for otherworlders specifically.

I do mean in a literal sense, yes...

I haven't really tried or considered speed dating since that sort of thing doesn't really allow me to get to know the other person well enough. And I certainly haven't heard of any sort of event of that nature over the network, either.

Ah, but if you're only trying to make sure there's chemistry first then the rest comes after, right? The idea is just to see if there's an initial spark and decide if its strong enough to put in the time to take it further.

Let them come to you instead of trying to chase them down, you know?

That's kind of hard for a short period....!!

I don't usually click with someone in such a short time! Not with the kind of personality I have!

It's been enough time for US to establish a few things we have in common, as an example though? Isn't that a start?

Sometimes you've just gotta go for it and take a gamble! The worst that can happen is that it's a bit uncomfortable and you go your separate ways, and it was still a learning experience.

Edited 2024-06-06 08:19 (UTC)

There's a difference between this and that! I'm under the cover of anonymity, first of all, and second of all just because I have something in common with someone else doesn't mean that I'll have chemistry with them!

Take a gamble, huh... I don't really care much for taking uncalculated risks, but this should probably be fine...

I mean, all of this is what dating is all about though. You aren't always going to immediately click. The whole idea of doing or talking about something you both enjoy is to help both sides feel more comfortable and relaxed enough to test your chemistry more naturally. So starting off by establishing common interests minimizes your risk of disappointment.

I hate to say it, but dating is... way more complicated than that. No matter how well prepared you are there's always a risk that you can't account for. You're talking about opening yourself up to another person and letting yourself be vulnerable long enough to hopefully form a connection. If you want that connection you've got to take some chances.

I suggested speed dating because it would be the fastest way to meet people with the least amount of risk involved, as it happens. It's not for everyone, but I wouldn't write it off too hastily. You say you don't usually click with people that fast, but you never know.

Ultimately you should do whatever makes you feel both safe and comfortable.

You can always go back to the wingman idea?

I don't need a lecture on dating. I'm not some person who hasn't been on the block before. I'm very aware of the potential risks that come with opening myself up better than anyone else.

Personally, I don't think speed dating isn't for me. I know myself well enough that I'd much rather prefer to interact with someone naturally and take my time. I've already had enough of having to "take things too quickly" when it comes to relationships, and I'm no longer in a spot where I have to do that anymore.

As much as I do want a girlfriend... I'm not really in any rush. I still have my partner here, as well as my other partners back home. I really, genuinely want to get to know the person that I intend to fall in love with, to be able to trust them, to open up to them once I know that I can.

Sorry, this wound up being a little bit more serious than I expected.

You don't need to apologize. It's a touchy topic for most people.

I wasn't trying to lecture you, though. It's just that in the first part of your post you seemed a little frustrated and like maybe you just needed a bit of a push. I wanted to share my perspective from past experience, not talk down to you. I'm sorry if I pushed too hard or crossed a line. It wasn't intentional. Text probably wasn't the best choice for conveying tone for that on my part, either.

Like I said, you should do what makes you feel both safe and comfortable. I don't think I can offer anything beyond this, though, not without knowing you personally. I hope you find what you're looking for, though.

[ ...

It takes Inaba a nice, long, hard couple of minutes before she formulates a response. ]

Looks like there's an impasse, then.

Well, I knew that there was going to be a limit to things when I posted anonymously like this. That's fine. Thank you, regardless.

[During that time Mari wonders if she'd said something wrong again, but there's nothing for it now that the text is sent. She's not sure what to expect when a notification finally comes.]

I see. Well, there's no hard feelings on my part for whatever that's worth. Just in case it came over that way (I hope not!). [Since this is anon and all, and they DON'T know each other personally.] Yeah, that's just the trade off, but if it helps then it helps.

If any of our exchange was of any help in some way then I'm glad. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more assistance, but you're welcome.

Edited 2024-06-06 20:55 (UTC)

text ❥ un: anonymous

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You didn't see me at 3am

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