video; un: maine

[slaughterous]

[ The video opens on a close-up of a truly kick-ass vehicle. It's tough! It's rugged! It's got hooks on the front that look like tusks! Truly, this is one bad-ass—

The video zooms out. The vehicle is tiny. A child could ride in it, maybe. But certainly not an adult.

An extremely gruff male voice mutters, ]

What the fuck.

[ Then a woman's laughter rises in the background. "What, Maine, compensating for something?"

The man grumbles, and the feed clicks off. ]

Comments

[schrodingerscockroach]

He can do that?

He really is multi-talented. [Didn't know shape changing OTHER stuff was in his skillset.]

[slaughterous]

Didn't know?

[ Damn, Wash. He's your boyfriend! ]

[schrodingerscockroach]

Macaque has many, many, many skills. He's centuries old and has practiced a lot of stuff even without the magic, I'm not going to interrogate him.

[slaughterous]

[ So he's a centuries old monkey. Cool, cool, cool cool cool cool cool. ]

Not curious?

[ Maine absolutely would be! ]

[schrodingerscockroach]

Of course I am, but I'm also curious what food he likes and what are his favorite plays. I learn stuff, that's part of the whole dating thing.

Usually if there's an actual problem, I can just put the question in the group chat and one of the skill monkeys will have something.

...I am suddenly wondering if skill monkeys is offensive when I know actual monkeys.

[slaughterous]

[ Maine makes a sort of psh noise. If he was dating some centuries old person, he'd ask all kinds of shit. Knowing what they could do magically—stuff that could potentially be used in a fight—would be right at the top of the list.

As for the rest: ]

Skill monkeys?

[ Maine has no idea what Wash is talking about. ]

[schrodingerscockroach]

You know, of all the slang, that's the one I'm actually surprised you don't know.

I'm a skill monkey. Its the jack of all trades, master of none type, or at least not master of much. Able to do a bunch of things in a passable way, but not the best of the best for the job. [Like taking over lockpicking when the locksmith is in the hospital.]

Unless you've had centuries of practice and then you can be an expert in many things, but basically prioritize range over expertise.

[slaughterous]

[ Maine hums in understanding, though the idea of someone having centuries of experience is still really fucking weird. ]

I'm not that.

[ So it makes sense he wouldn't know the slang! Or so he'll claim. ]

[schrodingerscockroach]

I know, big guy. Its why I don't challenge you to arm wrestling matches.

He get the warthog up and running?

[slaughterous]

[ Maine hums proudly. His arm wrestling is peak, and he works hard to keep it that way. ]

Fixed.

[ He flips the camera on again to show the Warthog in all its properly-sized, enormous glory. ]

Badass.

[schrodingerscockroach]

Sweet. We'll have to go for a ride in the segments. That's a way to travel in style.

[He just needs to be IN the warthog first. He's usually fine as long as he's in the thing!]

[Its the outside that's dangerous.]

[slaughterous]

I'll drive.

[ He fucking loves driving these things. ]

[schrodingerscockroach]

I'm good with that.

Is there ammo?

[Listen...hitting some monsters with the gun would be Real Fun.]

[slaughterous]

[ Time to check! The camera moves, Maine hopping easily into the gunner position, long legs coming in mighty handy.

There's a low, rumbling chuckle, giving the answer before the camera comes into focus. Yes, there is ammo. ]

[schrodingerscockroach]

Ooooh, we have got to find a big gathering of monsters somewhere.

[Sometimes you just like to do some over the top violence.]

[As a treat.]

[slaughterous]

[ Maine grumbles appreciatively, taking stock of the ammo. ]

Quest?

[schrodingerscockroach]

We could do a quest.

Probably not winter, most of the problems are in the water. Spring has a pit, but it's probably wide enough to drive around so it might be a fun funneling affect, and I could get anyone not a monster out. Summer has imps causing trouble again and I can make the fire harmless. Though there is potential with the sandworms, less clear on the crabs. Can never be sure how tough the armor is until you have a chance to shoot them. There's also some mantises in campsites, but that is a lot of trees.

[slaughterous]

[ Maine hums, imagining each enemy as Wash lists them off. ]

Sandworms. How big?

[ He wants a nice, beefy target, and those sound promising. ]

[schrodingerscockroach]

Like medium sized whale? You've got a bit of time to get out before you get to their stomachs on average. Partially made of sand.

They do hate water.

[slaughterous]

[ They hate water, huh? That's promising. Except that creating water is an ability Maine doesn't yet have.

He hums again, considering. Impatience starting to gnaw at him, the desire to go train until he collapses rearing its head.

Maybe they should hit imps, first. But that feels like admitting defeat, something Maine loathes doing. ]

… Should ask Carolina.

[schrodingerscockroach]

Oh yeah, she'd want in on this.

Been wanting to talk to her.

If nothing else, I need to know where she is on the timeline because wow did our relationship evolve.

The difference between being the rookie and then the stable one.

[Because the guys certainly have their wild, maverick energy about them.]

[slaughterous]

[ Relationship … evolved…

Maine suddenly spins the camera around, looking straight into it. ]

You dating?

[schrodingerscockroach]

[The change in angle is the phone going clattering to the ground as Wash chokes on air.]

[Takes a moment for him to scramble to pick up his phone.]

No! Absolutely not!

[slaughterous]

[ Maine squints real. Real hard.

He already had to deal with York's whatever-the-fuck with Carolina. If he ends up a third wheel here so fuckin' help him— ]

[schrodingerscockroach]

This is not a York situation!

[He knows the squint. Most of them gave York that squint!]

Listen, I love Carolina, but I'm not in love with her. That isn't our relationship.

[Also the whole Epsilon fragments and thus HER DAD fragments in his head makes that all A Little Complicated even beyond his demisexuality.]

Its like-

In the Project, if we're on a mission, of course she's going to take me seriously because we're teammates and we have a job to do.

Off mission though?

Wellllll, let's be fair, Carolina and I weren't having deep and meaningful discussions where she thought I was more than the rookie whose kind of a major dork.

I try talking to Carolina from your time about all the bullshit magic stuff and she'll wonder how hard I hit my head and how many times.

My time? I don't even need her to be IN the other dimension to at least give me a benefit of a doubt.

THAT kind of evolution.