ellipsanet | [ Text | ANONYMOUS POST ]

[ Ishkode took a while to make this post but... he's having a crisis and he needs to do something. Somehow. In his fretting, he's completely forgotten to maybe close it off from the people he's talking about. Feel free to answer him back anonymously or not, whatever your character would be likely to do! All of his responses will stay anon, though. ]

Hey, Ellipsa, I need some advice.

Since I got here, I met a lot of fantastic people.

I totally fell head over heels for one of them and, somehow I lucked out, cause they fell for me right back and we're dating now. I'm crazy about them! We click like I've never clicked with anybody. They just get where I'm coming from and understand me. It's like we're on the same wavelength whether it's serious stuff or being a couple of gremlins. They're amazing and wonderful and funny and sweet and beautiful and... well, you get the idea. I could gush forever. I've never felt this way for anybody before!

Can you feel the 'but'..? Cause there's a 'but'...

I also have a friend. The best and most amazing friend I've ever had. They've been there for me in so many ways, since day one of my being here no less. They helped me get settled and started here. They've been there for the highs and the lows, every time. We've shared some really important things with each other and I trust them with my life. They're amazing and wonderful and funny and sweet and gorgeous and... yeah.

Are you seeing the pattern here?

I know what being poly is. I understand how that's supposed to work in theory.

But how in the hell do you put that into practice?

How do I bring this up with either of them? Should I even try? The chances of me screwing up and ruining everything are probably sky high? Would it be better to just try to make the feelings go away? I don't think I can. And I'm pretty sure my bestie has feelings for me, too. I'm really bad at hiding my own, it turns out. So they've gotta be wondering about me.

I just don't know where to even start? I'd be the first guy to say 'talk to them' but, man... being the one on this side of everything, now, all I can think is:

How the fuck do I even do that?!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think the start of what the fuck you even do is breathe.

Step two is ask yourself a couple of things.

1) Which feels like the worse outcome to you? You say nothing and a chance at a deeper relationship with your bestie passes you by or you say something and either one of them says yes or no. And with poly stuff, everyone needs to say yes and be on the same page.

2) If one of them says no, how would you feel? What would be your gut reaction?

and 3) Do you have a bed big enough for all three of you in case it ends up going in a full reciprocal situation. If you just have them both and neither of them are attracted to each other, but both are fine with it, then you don't need a big bed enough for three. Just two. Very much a; 'This is Tom and this is Tom's boyfriend Brad situation.

I mean... the worst outcome would be totally fucking it and losing both of them. I'm honestly sitting in the 'I'd rather lose the chance than lose THEM' boat right now, y'know?

Out of the ones you just said... if it wouldn't ruin things just to ask, I'd rather know. I was like that with my partner when I confessed how I felt and asked her out. I'd be perfectly happy with things staying this way if either of them wanted it to stay that way? Which goes right back around to 'then why the hell am I asking for more than that?'

Can you see how it kinda turns into a spiral?

If either one of them said no, I'd take it just like it is. I'd accept it and go forward from there. I really would do anything for either of them. I just want them to be happy.

Uhhh... that might be getting a little ahead of things. And also, I doubt it'd go that way. They don't really know each other that well? We don't hang out as a group.

... not gonna lie... that'd be the best thing to ever, though, if it was possible...

Asking a question, posing a possibility, should never end a relationship. Not when it's a question about love and in the spirit of open communication.

Talking, which can be hard, but doing so likely won't end anything if you are as close as you feel you are. They should answer back. Are they open? How do they feel? Are they willing to see if they feel anything for each other, are they good just being friends and sharing you?

That sort of stuff. I share a man with several others. I love him to pieces. And I am okay with it because I also know myself. And I am a huge slut. I love sex. The man I love doesn't have a libido to match mine. So we talked about relationships, statuses, and open sex.

And we came to an agreement that works for us both and all of his other partners too.

I know that, on my end, they're both the most important and closest people in my life. I'm always honest with both of them and they know more about me than anyone else does. Or ever has, honestly.

Well, uh... my bestie already has more than one partner so I know he's probably open. My girlfriend is just as new to all this as I am, though. I don't know if she's even thought about anything like this before. It's never come up?

There's a lot of 'I dunno' floating around in the situation... maybe that's why it feels so damned scary.

Probably. There isn't much scarier than the unknown. The I dunno answer opens our brains up to imagine the worst results ever. And our brain are so very good at doing that.

Yeah...

Add in the fact that when I fell for my first 'best friend' it went... really really super fucking bad...

I trust my bestie way more but... still sitting there in the back of my head making things difficult.

[ Text | ANONYMOUS POST ]

UN: Sexington Hardcastle

[ ANON ]

Re: [ ANON ]

Re: [ ANON ]

Re: [ ANON ]

Re: [ ANON ]