text: anonymous (cw/tw: depression, self-loathing for the whole post)

[unknowntodeath]

[Just a very normal question anyone would ask in the network here, nothing strange to see here.]


How do you get past hating yourself?



[Asking for a friend.]

Comments

[unknowntodeath]

Atonement. Towards myself or the things that I have done?

[kishin]

For the things you've done.

[ Suzaku is admittedly assuming you have reason to feel this way and that it's not just depression brain. ]

[unknowntodeath]

I'm not sure if that applies, then. What I've done is only what I've been told. I've had no choice in it.

[kishin]

No choice at all?

[ There's a bit of a pause, and then, trying again: ]

Are the things you've done not why you feel the way you do?

[ Or, to put it another way, let's try this again with less projection. ]

[unknowntodeath]

None at all.

[It's not like he could just up and quit his counter guardian dutie or not do them, unfortunately.]

Not really. It's more the fact that I ended up this way than what I did.

[kishin]

That you "ended up this way"? What way?

[unknowntodeath]

In the most simple terms.

A cleaner for the world.

[kishin]

[ ...that sounds somehow very unpleasant, Archer. ]

Was it dirty?

[unknowntodeath]

It's supposed to be neutral. Something to help humanity.

[kishin]

But that isn't how it worked out?

[unknowntodeath]

In a sense it is. It's just not the way I hoped to help.