( text | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

Do you think you deserve to be loved?

What makes you worthy of it?

Comments

[sangreine]

How exactly should I make it sound?

[nilhilistic]

Not like that?

[sangreine]

[ Thanks that's helpful ]

I'm not sure how to make it sound less dire. It's the reality I've been living with for a very long time, different words won't change anything.

[nilhilistic]

It is the reality you believe in.

I thought you would try to keep an open mind, at least.

[sangreine]

[ It's not like her beliefs effect her life cycle, but... ]

I'm sorry. I didn't realize it bothered you.

[nilhilistic]

[ hm. perhaps it did. ]

Everything is subject to change.

[sangreine]

I guess we'll know in a week or so.

If you prefer I be less fatalistic in my language, I can do that.

[nilhilistic]

I think that is . . . best.

[sangreine]

[ But she's allowed to have a moment of misery and pessimism after she gets killed, right? ]

I'll do my best to remember. Just give me a little leniency, it's hard to break a habit that's millennia old.

[nilhilistic]

That is fair.

[sangreine]

Good, then.

Out of curiosity, does it trouble you when others say they don't deserve to be loved? It bothers me despite feeling that way about myself. That's one reason why I answered.

[nilhilistic]

I suppose I would find it ludicrous to hear it from others, but I don't know their reasoning.

[sangreine]

You know mine. At least some of it. [ She didn't destroy an entire world but she certainly destroyed enough of one to get partial credit. ]

Is it ludicrous in my case?

[nilhilistic]

No. And I would not say so.

[sangreine]

Odd as it might sound, I find that comforting. Usually everyone wants to argue with me.

[nilhilistic]

Not everything needs to be debated.

[sangreine]

And yet they always seem to.

[nilhilistic]

A part of caring, I suppose.

[sangreine]

Then I guess I hope one day you'll argue with me.

[ See, she just implied she'll be awake long enough, she can learn! ]

[nilhilistic]

That seems feasible.

[sangreine]

[ since this isn't in person she lets herself laugh ]

I'll try to sharpen my wit for whenever you're ready to argue. Surely there's a book of some kind I can use to prepare.

[nilhilistic]

I doubt a book would help much.

[sangreine]

That was a joke. I never expect to win that particular argument. But I suspect no one expects to win it against me either, if you're right about why they have it.

[nilhilistic]

It is the only reason I can think of.

[sangreine]

I think you're probably right about it.

So I'll give them other ways to show they care about me, I guess. I don't think anyone will see eye to eye on what I deserve.

[ One might notice that she never tried to talk Rafal into believing he deserves love or is worthy of it. She knows the futility of that. By the same token, his feelings about himself hold no sway over what she or anyone else might feel. ]