( text | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

Do you think you deserve to be loved?

What makes you worthy of it?

Comments

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal's world is certainly not normal by any means. he's a good example of that, being a thousand year old dragon.

but the idea that torrid love affairs and feelings would lead to death is strange, even to him. yes, nel's life had been her loving sacrifice to save rafal, but that was . . . not quite the same. wasn't it? ]

Have you witnessed such a thing then?

[vivens]

[ real life is stranger than fiction and hmm. what a question to ask of sabo. ]

Not exactly. It's more that I've seen the aftermath.

[nilhilistic]

I suppose it is hard for me to picture.

[ nel had loved the divine dragon. and, of course, nil.

but no one had loved rafal so he never gave it much thought. ]

[vivens]

You've never felt that strongly towards someone before?

At the same time, it's perfectly normal to not feel so strongly that you'd be willing to go to such extremes.

[nilhilistic]

My sister, I suppose. But that is a unique circumstance.

I do not have any other friends or family so I have nothing else to compare it to.

[vivens]

Unique circumstance in what way, if may ask?

[nilhilistic]

As children, our father encouraged us to fight and war with each other. When her twin died, he asked me to take his place so his sister would not be alone.

Love came, in time. But I wasn't a good brother to her.

[vivens]

[ oh. hmm.... it's a good thing that the two of them aren't talking face to face because the expression on sabo's face would be all too telling about how much he did not like what he just learned. ]

It sounds like you have been hurt plenty despite saying otherwise.

I can see why you think that there must be a reason for love or a way to decide on worthiness. Good brother or not, not every child is able to stand up and defy parents or see what is wrong.

[nilhilistic]

[ hm. he's never thought of it that way. ]

Nel was stronger for doing so then. But you are not wrong.

[vivens]

Don't sell yourself short either.

You were able to love them despite all of what you went through, and you're able to reflect on your previous actions. That speaks a lot to your own strength.

[nilhilistic]

. . . Perhaps.

[vivens]

Perhaps? Just perhaps?

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal huffs. ]

Isn't that enough?

[vivens]

[ because he must. ]

Perhaps.

[nilhilistic]

You are teasing me.

[vivens]

What gave you that idea?

More seriously, do you have a better idea of where you stand on whether you can judge whether someone is deserving or worthy of love?

[nilhilistic]

Judging other people is not my concern.

But I am realizing that it is out of my hands. Judged or not, people will decide for themselves.

[vivens]

They sure will. People naturally will do what they think is best. It's why I stand by my belief that everyone is worthy and deserving of love.

[nilhilistic]

Which is annoying.

But cannot be helped, I suppose. I will reframe my thinking.

[vivens]

Or, at the very least, keep a more open mind.

Maybe you'll even experience the kind of love that others here could speak about.

[nilhilistic]

I doubt that.

[vivens]

Oh? Why would you doubt that?

[nilhilistic]

I have done terrible things. I am unsuitable.

[vivens]

I don't see why that matters. I doubt that you're the only one here who has done terrible things.

[nilhilistic]

The scope matters. I destroyed an entire world. No matter how much pain or hurt I may feel, it will never compare to what I have taken.

I am grateful I am not punished and I will do everything in my power to ensure no other world suffers, but I am not redeemed. No one deserves to put up with me.