un: abnormalitylover, voice

[abnormalizes]

How do I get my friends to not be upset when I talk about life at home?

It's not like they can do anything about it or like bad things are happening here now, so I mostly just feel bad for making them feel bad and making the conversation really awkward.

Is this a normal part of having friends? It sucks and I would like to opt out, please.

Comments

text un: gaine

[sangreine]

[ oh god #relatable ]

I think maybe you just have to let them feel bad, to some degree. It's because they care about you. You can't really control people being upset over upsetting things -- and I'm not saying that in a scolding way, trust me I'd love to not make people upset, or make them stop being upset, when I talk about my life.

Maybe reassuring them that being with them helps you focus on better things, that might help.

[abnormalizes]

[depressing canon mood]

That's probably the best I can do. But I don't want them to treat me differently because my home sucks, or to make a big deal out of it when I'd rather not dwell on it.

[sangreine]

Just tell them that, I think. Wanting to be done talking about it is as fair as wanting to talk about it without your entire day becoming about their reaction. It's fair to ask them to move on. Say something reassuring and comforting and then tell them you'd rather be having fun with them, or whatever.

You can't manage how they feel about it, but that also means it's not your responsibility to manage their feelings about it. They don't have to have all their feelings about it right at you. [ Like, some upset is fair, she thinks, but sometimes you they will have to process shit elsewhere and that's also fair. ]

un: Hermes voice

[blazeoflife]

I think it's normal for friends to be like, 'what the fuck' when your homelife is kinda fucked up.

Speaking from experience.

But I get it though, it's like, you wanna talk about it but also not make a scene or seem like you want pity for it?

[abnormalizes]

I don't want them to act differently around me than they did before they knew my life sucked. I mean, I've kind of just gotten used to it, it doesn't feel like a big deal to me.

[blazeoflife]

--Yeah, I can totally relate to that. Had a similar situation crop up with my bestie when I ended up fessing up about my homelife. Asked her over ramen to just not... dwell on it too much, y'know?

If anything, being treated 'normally' makes what you dealt with easier TO deal with. Like you can ignore it for a bit yourself.

[ ...He still thought your world was super fucked up tho, gotta be real, Eva. ]

un: shinkirou | text

[kingside]

They'll adapt.

[abnormalizes]

Not going to lie, I was considering just messaging you for advice instead of making a public post.

I guess they'll get used to it, huh. I mean, I got used to living it, so.

while I ignore all other threads because no spoons

[kingside]

[... Equal parts confused and flattered by this. Time to viciously suppress both.]

Everyone's operating from their own frame of reference, so it will be a different leaning curve for each. I wouldn't take it personally.

text, un: white heron

[mistsplitter]

If your intention was merely to talk about your home and not upset them, then I don't believe their reaction can be controlled.

Have you ever been upset by a story a friend of yours has told you?

[abnormalizes]

...it's kind of been a while since I had friends. So I don't really remember.

un:🐺

[at_heart]

[ He's mostly just enjoyed the reactions to Imeeji when he's talked about it.

More seriously, though— ]

You don't.

Their feelings are their own lookout.

[abnormalizes]

I don't like it. It feels like I upset them myself, and trying to convince them that it's not a big deal rarely works.

voice; un: inquiry

[silentjade]

One cannot control the heart and feelings of others. If they are upset with what you have told them, it is due to their affection towards you.

You can attempt words of comfort to try to ease any ill feelings or lulls.

[abnormalizes]

I try, but 'it's not really that big a deal, I'm used to it' seems to make them more upset?

un: bordeaux

[syckophant]

This is unfortunately just how it always is.

[He sounds annoyed by that, really. It can be fun sometimes, if he can properly horrify someone, but a lot of the times... SIGH.]

Then they look at you all concerned like you are some fragile, broken thing. How unpleasant. I generally just avoid talking about it unless it becomes relevant or I have the energy to bother with the aftermath.

It feels like needing to balance my wish for genuine connection and my patience for pity. fufufu~

[abnormalizes]

I completely understand. Pity is the absolute worst.

[capitalist hell and idol hell are not dissimilar.]

voice; un: jean

[rustyhonesty]

If they're really your friends, they're upset for you, not because of what you told them. They need to accept that this is your backstory and you're now in a better place, with new opportunities. So rather than feeling sorry for you, they should help you create new memories.

[abnormalizes]

Speaking from experience, huh. I'll try telling them that next time.

voice; un: reiner

[hometown]

[ Here's a voice that may be familiar, lack of telepathy aside. ]

It sounds like they're commiserating. That's a normal part of having friends. If people care about you, they care about your circumstances, even if those things don't apply right now.

[abnormalizes]

Back when I had normal friends before, we were all in the same circumstances, so I guess it didn't work the same way. Still, I don't like bringing the mood down...

un: PurpleMage; slides this over extra late

[demondelic]

[... Oh. This suddenly puts a lot of conversations they've had into perspective.]

This post and its gathered information was very informative. Thank you.

That said, everyone will move past these feelings when given enough time. Worrying for others is a part of life, but that worry has a time limit.
It can only last for so long, and time marches ever forward.

never too late

[abnormalizes]

Happy to help, especially anybody in the same position as me.

It's good to know they won't be upset about it forever. I don't want them to treat me differently than anyone else.

voice - un:music2myears

[afoolshope]

So, don't talk about it.

[abnormalizes]

Not a bad plan, except it keeps coming up anyway.