( text | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

Do you think you deserve to be loved?

What makes you worthy of it?

Comments

[sangreine]

No one can ask more from you than that.

[ There's a short pause. ]

There was someone I didn't let in, once. For a very long time. I was convinced it would only make everything worse, I didn't deserve it, I had a duty, there were a lot of reasons. And then suddenly he was gone, forever.

All my reasons for keeping him away don't comfort me one bit.

[nilhilistic]

There isn't anyone like that.

[sangreine]

So you said. My point is that not having anyone like that doesn't seem to have made you very happy. It might be worth trying something else. At least you have very little to lose.

If it turns out that, after trying the alternative, being solitary is better for you, then it's better for you.

[nilhilistic]

. . . I am alive. That means I must live my life. And that means contending with these things.

[sangreine]

Life is just that way, whether fortunately or not.

[nilhilistic]

What a pain.

[sangreine]

Tell me about it. A lot of things would be easier if all this were more clear cut.

[nilhilistic]

It certainly makes my life harder.

[sangreine]

Well, that's the bad news.

The good news is that a whole lot of others have faced these challenges too. I daresay most of us. So there's a potential camaraderie there if nothing else.

[nilhilistic]

I suppose there is that.

I still haven't decided if I want anything to do with . . . feelings.

[sangreine]

That's okay. Take your time.

While you're deciding and whatever you decide, I'll do what I can to support you.

[nilhilistic]

[ ugh, kindness. but fine. ]

Thank you.

[sangreine]

[ Look man you can't claim to be shocked by this point ]

You're welcome.

My cure attempt is in a week or so. Any chance you'd want to go flying again before that?
It might be my last chance for a few decades.

[nilhilistic]

I would not mind.

[sangreine]

Good, I'm glad. Pick one of the natural sites you've found and we'll go see it. It'll be a nice memory for however long I have left to remember it.

[nilhilistic]

You don't have to make it sound so dire.

[sangreine]

How exactly should I make it sound?

[nilhilistic]

Not like that?

[sangreine]

[ Thanks that's helpful ]

I'm not sure how to make it sound less dire. It's the reality I've been living with for a very long time, different words won't change anything.

[nilhilistic]

It is the reality you believe in.

I thought you would try to keep an open mind, at least.

[sangreine]

[ It's not like her beliefs effect her life cycle, but... ]

I'm sorry. I didn't realize it bothered you.

[nilhilistic]

[ hm. perhaps it did. ]

Everything is subject to change.

[sangreine]

I guess we'll know in a week or so.

If you prefer I be less fatalistic in my language, I can do that.

[nilhilistic]

I think that is . . . best.

[sangreine]

[ But she's allowed to have a moment of misery and pessimism after she gets killed, right? ]

I'll do my best to remember. Just give me a little leniency, it's hard to break a habit that's millennia old.